- Lalena Cooper
The inventor has been back home from way up north for a few days. He hasn't felt well, which is NEVER helpful in our communication. I am not sure why. I am still researching this one, but illness seems to intensify his aspie traits.
It seems strange, but I have begun to notice that I actually feel closer to him while he is away.
When we are apart I know to keep things light and simple because dealing with major issues over the phone in short conversation doesn't usually go well. Communication is an intensive process for neurotypicals
-but aspie couples...we need LOTS of extra time and preparation.
So while the main squeeze is gone, I push back or handle the heavier issues like worries with the kids, money and the details of my day. He works extra hard to listen when we speak on the phone. He can become easily distracted by the constant activity of a fishing boat so he heads up to the wheelhouse and steals a few minutes each day to chat with me.
He's focused, I'm focused. We are both trying extra hard to make sure the other one feels loved and important.
Now that he's home, life has returned to the familiar.
We wake up, we go to work, we come home and eat, we chat and we sleep. (we also make a little nookie, but thats a post for another day...wink wink)
(did I just use the word "nookie'? jeez I must be getting old)
Back on point
I let my guard down again. I crave deep conversation, intimacy, giggles and fun. My brain knows that those things take prep time for the inventor. It is not possible to "naturally" move into any discussion that doesn't relate directly to what is going on in the immediate situation. I can't just start a convo about financial planning or say i'm buying a puppy next week without many previous conversations, reminder texts and planning.
Conversations and feelings of closeness take preparation time.
We've been talking about moving the furniture around for weeks. Tonight was the night. It was fun. We laughed. We cuddled on the couch while taking in the new view. We wrestled.
Then just like that, all of a sudden it ended. He had completed the task and was done.
Just as I began to let my guard down and relax into the moment, the moment ended. The inventors focus moved from furniture arranging to his bedtime routine.
Routines are extremely important for individuals on the spectrum. Routines rob spontaneous moments. Routines drive me nuts.
Don't get me wrong, there is a part of me that loves the predictable, but I also love surprises.
The unexpected is what keeps life interesting for me. I love having the ability to just enjoy where the moments take me. The inventor, however, does better with a plan.
Finding the balance between preparation and the craziness of life is not easy to achieve. The best plan is to extend grace. LOTS OF GRACE. Find the good and let it go.
We had fun tonight and that is a great way to end the day.