I came across this blog entry from the winter of 2008. I am not sure whether I should be disappointed that I still identify with these feelings and emotions or feel relieved that I am still standing.
Looking out the window onto the beautiful view of Donner Lake this weekend, I was awe struck with all of the pine trees. The snow fell for two days straight and the wind was blowing extremely hard. The trees were buried at least a quarter if not half way up. There was one tree I could only see the top six inches. It looked like a little sapling pushing its way through the snow, but that thing had at least 15 feet of snow on top of it! I wanted to get a picture but it was just too darn cold to venture down the side of the hill!
Another tree has grown in wind that has blown so hard the branches only grow on one side, but there it stands forcing its way to the clouds. I kept being drawn to it. I found myself staring at it every time I looked outside. It hardly swayed in the wind. It was sturdy and strong but laid bare on one side. The more I thought about it, I could see myself as that tree.
At times I feel I stand alone and yet surrounded by others similar to me -all of us reaching towards heaven. As a wife, mother and as a woman, many storms have blown through my branches. There have been times I truly believed I would be tumbling head over heels, spinning round then blown away down the road, lost in the whirlwind of my circumstances. But here I stand, stronger, taller, and hopefully wiser, with a touch of patience and a little extra grace. Part of me is exposed and bare, almost raw. Fear has griped and stolen from me. Worry pours down and floods the deepest part of my soul. Years of hurt and disappointment have broken me, and yet, I stand.
I stand firm…refusing to give up or allow myself to become buried or overtaken. I stretch and reach and search out for my freedom. I hold on to hope and truth. And I allow myself the liberty of being me, broken branches and all.