When I first decided to begin blogging again, I was determined to keep my writing positive. I love reading uplifting and encouraging words and wanted to share that writing style with my readers. My heart longs to communicate HOPE even when our circumstances seem seem to be in utter chaos and disaster.
I long to write about overcoming anxiety and depression, and share strategies for communication, connection and intimacy with a spouse diagnosed with spectrum disorder.
We NEED hope! I NEED HOPE!
Have you ever googled "living with an aspie spouse"? If you do, you will find an overwhelming amount of negative perspectives, and disappointing advice.
Almost 90% of my research ended up suggesting I leave my husband or just stay for the financial security.
SO SAD!! and NOT helpful.
I was determined to be a calming voice and champion hope through love in the midst of our daily spectrum storms.
Then all hell broke loose...literally.
The inventor fell head on into an aspire flare. I thought it would pass. That was over six month ago. I coped well for a while but recently it has reached explosive status,
as in - erupting volcano proportion.
I am angry.
I am hurting.
I am lonely.
Not much HOPE going on over here in this achey heart.
I strive each day to hold onto HOPE.
My nails are dug and I cling to everything positive that happens throughout the day.
I really do not want to write about the pain of living with someone on the spectrum without a HOPE filled conclusion and good strategies others can use to find HOPE in their circumstances. However, I am beginning to realize that if I am really going to share honestly about my experience living with a husband with Aspergers, I am going to have to be venerable, open up and share the protected dark places in my soul.
I HATE THE DARK
But I believe, there is HOPE in the midst of darkness.
I am beginning to give up the unrealistic ideal that this blog will always sound positive and hopeful. The truth is, living with an aspire spouse is exhausting. Often my heart feels raw and I would rather run away and hide than wake up and face another day.
There's not much I can write to put a positive spin on that, except maybe post on how it feels after leaving it all and be sitting on a far away beach holding a fruity drink under a pink umbrella.
Just kidding...kinda sorta but really though.
Back to reality...
so here goes...the good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly truth of my life as I attempt living beyond the spectrum.