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  • Lalena Cooper

The Unexpected

Over the years I have attempted to prepare myself for the unexpected.

Living with an AspieMan makes my life very unpredictable. Most people wouldn't think this is true because of his desire for order and daily patterns. However, temperament and attitude are anything but predictable.

Tender or gentle emotions and feelings are very rare, but flares, meltdowns, anger and indifference can all happen very quickly, all at once, and completely out of the blue.

My AspieMan thought for years he was incapable of experiencing emotions or feelings. Since his diagnosis, we have worked very diligently to express thoughts and feelings in a way we can relate to, but there have been quite a few roadblocks. Many conversations end with frustration and misunderstanding on both sides.

Personally I believe that individuals on the spectrum actually feel more deeply than neurotypicals. non-neurotypicals can feel so deeply it becomes too much for their mind to process. The overwhelming feelings causes them to either shut down or react in an unusual way.

All this being said, I was not prepared for my AspieMans reaction to a recent loss of a dear family friend. I had expected indifference, I couldn't have been more wrong.

He was moved.

He was grieved.

He felt the pain of loss.

He expressed compassion.

He cried.

He allowed our son to hug and comfort him.

He sat in my arms for almost an hour trying to explain what he was feeling. Yes feeling.

How I have longed to hear those words from him, "I am feeling....".

I had been ready to hide my emotions and grieve in silence, but we were able to grieve this horrible loss together.

He taught me so much in that moment.

Uncomfortable feelings are usually rushed through or buried. "Put on a happy face.", "We are not ruled by our feelings.", "Move on.", my mom would tell me as a child. My AspieMan just sat there with his feelings. He didn't know what to do with them, so just sat next to me and tried to explain the new sensations he was experiencing. He repeated how much he didn't like it throughout the conversation but he allowed himself to feel every piece.

This made me sit there with my feelings too. I couldn't hide, I couldn't deflect. He helped me face my painful feelings and I helped him face his.

I am so proud of him. They said he would never be able to connect. They were wrong.

I fell a little bit deeper in love that day. That was unexpected too.


Has your AspieMan surprised with a connecting moment? I would love to hear all about it! You can leave a comment below or email me at

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